Shannon has asked me, her husband Dave, to step into her blog for a night, hope you enjoy the ride . . . It always amazes me how much press the “South Beach Diet” gets. Shannon’s Dad has been on the South Beach Diet for a while now and I don’t have the heart to break it to him: I don’t care how long you’re on the South Beach, you’re not going to look like you should be walking among the Speedo’s in the South Beach of Miami! The North Dakota Diet is much more achievable for the rest of us. With some dedication and a whole lot of white food, I’m giving you a 100% money-back guarantee that you can look like you belong in North Dakota.
The true core of the North Dakota Diet is white food. Why white? Here’s a pic that reminds me of home. It actually brings a tear to my eye . . . until the tear freezes.
Using this glorious feast for inspiration, let’s see where a day in the life of a North Dakota Dieter leads us, shall we?
Breakfast sets the tone for the day, so you’re going to want to start strong. Although Rice Chex is probably the whitest cereal, it has been judged much too healthy. The recommended approach is to wolf down a heaping bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios . . . every single day . . . for at least 25 years straight. After 15 years or so, the simple aroma of HNC will be enough to make you think fondly of breakfast. As the jingle says, “the best part of waking up is pure fiber and sugar in your belly!”
Lunch is a little trickier, this is where you’ll want to mix things up a bit. My recommendation is to pick no more than two white sandwiches (with just meat and cheese, NO veggies if you’re going to strictly adhere to the Diet) and eat only those two sandwiches every single day for a good 10 years or so. As for me, I prefer either ham & cheese (with JUST ham & cheese) or tuna fish (with JUST tuna and cheese). The ham is more tan colored than I’d prefer but in North Dakota we call that “using your foodie creativity.”
Finally, the long-awaited North Dakota dinner. There truly is nothing better than a North Dakota Burrito (chicken, cheese and rice, nothing more) along with two Pillsbury crescent rolls along with a glass of water. I challenge you to find something that’s not white on that plate. You’ll lose that challenge.
You’ll notice that there are no vegetables on that plate. That just makes you love the North Dakota Diet even more, doesn’t it? As an adherent to the North Dakota Diet, you’ve become a staunch vegetable right’s activist, so you’re actively against the senseless slaughter of innocent squash, peas and lima beans. Unfortunately, some mis-guided nay-sayers will tell you that things like broccoli slaw, veggies and tofu are healthiest. Those naysayers are wrong but we’re open-minded folks in North Dakota and won’t impose our (correct) views on everyone. Seriously, who wants to eat this?
Ok, we’ve reached the end of the day, the coup de grace! After dinner, there’s nothing more relaxing than exactly 5 mini chocolate chip cookies. Why 5? Four isn’t worth it and 6 would be a bit much. Don’t you think?
That’s it! You’ve survived a day as a North Dakota Dieter and are well on your way to a well-sculpted North Dakota body. All this fun for less than 2,000 calories! (Plus or minus ~2,000 calories) Shannon will be back tomorrow (she’s got some less “traditional” opinions on the North Dakota Diet), thanks for taking the time to learn more about NoDak!
Nice guest post Dave! Not sure if the NoDak diet will catch on though…;)
Haha! This was great Dave!!
Have to admit, the crescent rolls alongside the burrito made me shiver just a bit at first glance, haha! 
OH my gosh, I’m DYING over here. Dave, what about crescent rolls? Aren’t those part of the North Dakota diet?!
I gotta give you credit, you’ve called out the fact that many “Miami Beach dieters” are under false impressions the will look all slim and sexy in no time flat. I’m a lot more like you’re wife, but I gotta say, the carb thing is OLD news!
I love my Honey Nut cheerios too, even though I can no longer enjoy their goodness since I, like your wife, have given up wheat! Bummer. Thanks for the reminder of their goodness
lol love the “ND diet” and i LOVE honey nut cheerios, cant go wrong with those! great guest post!
Too funny, I love it!
Hahahahaha! Dave rocks and so does his diet.
You’d make a killing off the infomercial for this diet. It’s too bad that Billy Mays passed away because he would be on tv yelling, “Billy Mays here! I’m here to tell you about The North Dakota Diet!”
Great post and send best wishes to your wife that is probably buried in a school book somewhere.
Dave! You are too funny! I think the sad part is that a lot of people eat this way…
hey! cool blog!
thanks for stopping by my blog.
im a Property Manager at a condo in Toronto. I am taking courses to get my certification to become a Registered Condominium Manager. i just finished my first course and i have 3 more to complete.
and let me tell u, i hate it! hhahahah. ive been out of school for like 4 years and going back, even just for a few courses, is killing me.
I thought once i got my university diploma, that would be it. but i guess not! hahahha.
anyways, im looking forward to reading more from your blog.
Happy Thursday!!!
Thanks for visiting! I agree that going back to school after being “out of practice” is really tough!
Too funny, you’ve convinced me to move.
Maybe if I wasnt living in S. Florida I wouldn’t feel the need to stay in shape. North Dakota here I come.
Haha, that’s awesome. Great guest post Dave! I like your North Dakota diet better than my boyfriend’s Rochester, NY one…where your main meal is known as a “Garbage Plate.”
What a great post Dave!
You eat what you love – there is nothing wrong with that!
Best of luck to Shannon as I’m sure she hasn’t left her desk in days!
Being from ND, this is way too funny! And, I love me some Honey Nut Cheerios! LOL
[...] for Dave. This is a man who has no taste for food. He has his standbys, as he explained in his post last week (Honey Nut Cheerios, Pillsbury Crescent Rolls, Toll House cookies…). But aside from that, [...]
[...] actually ate 4 slices of it with his North Dakota burrito! Instead of his Pillsbury Crescent Rolls!! *Gasp* But the rest went in the trash. I’ll just [...]